After some time, I finally video called home.
Not that I didn’t want to, but because there were some problems with the adjustment.
And without fail, the every video call sessions I had be it successful or unsuccessful, it always leaves me with frustration and disappointment.
And this time round, I finally broke down.

It just shows you the importance you have in someone’s heart.
And when you know that you are actually not important to them at all, it hurts.
To think that you placed that person high up, it didn’t worth anything at all.
And the forgiveness I had for that person proved to be worthless.
What she had promised me before was broken in weeks.
I will always remember you said “once in a while”, but it was once a week.
There were many other things that happened but I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to strain the relationship.
I bear with it for so long that I didn’t know how I did it.

How I wish there is someone here to listen to me.
How envy am I to see my friend being able to video call back to their parents and siblings practically everyday.

I know I have to stop.
Stop crying.
Because I don’t want my friends here to worry about me when there are more important things here to worry about.
I just need time.
I should probably get out alone one day.
Be alone with no worries for a while.